Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
