Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
