I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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