Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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