I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
