we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
