My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize