Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize