I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So much rum. So many feels.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
