Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dear god my vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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