I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize