I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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