Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
