he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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