FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize