yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
