i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
