why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
