At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
