The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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