i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
