I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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