I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
