I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
