69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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