Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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