In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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