Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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