And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
