So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
