hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
