I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
