i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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