I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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