u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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