just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
