roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Congratulations! We have a period
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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