Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
