y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Randomize
