You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The Olympian is in my bed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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