is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
