Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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