I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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