He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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