Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
