the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
