Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
