Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
