Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
