My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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