And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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