If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
