He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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