i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
