apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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