RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
