Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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