It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
