Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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