dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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