We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize