you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize