With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
