On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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