Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
