made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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