well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
