At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
