i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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