I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
jump out the window naked night went bad
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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