i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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