I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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